What is your identity? It can be defined as physical characteristics, personality, personal beliefs, or anything that you feel defines who you are or even what you stand for. In the simplest terms, your identity can be even your fingerprints.
Getting diagnosed with breast cancer is now part of my identity. I can be defined as a survivor or thriver. Going through chemotherapy, I knew I would lose some of my physical identity. Like my hair, brows, and lashes -plus the skin changes that happen, like acne, dryness, wrinkles, and dark circles. I knew the steroids would make me gain weight and look puffy. Physically, I knew things would look different for some time. The single most unique identifier I have, my fingerprints, are washed away by the toxins, trying to save my life. Chemotherapy damages your nails. They turn colors and brittle; they can even fall off. When I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize my reflection. My physical identity has been stolen.
What cancer can not take from me is my identity as a daughter of the highest King. It cannot take my belief that Jesus came and died to give me salvation. My identity as a Christian will remain steadfast and in fact, stronger than ever. Its easy to give praise when things are going well, but can you praise him in the darkness? That’s another blog for another day – but yes, yes, I can. My God is the ultimate physician and He will heal me if it is His will. I lean not on my own understanding and trust in Him to lead me through this quest to slay cancer. My God is an awesome God and I will remain deeply rooted in my faith.
Cancer cannot take my mindset. Trust me, it sure did try those first few weeks. Mindset is not just about staying positive or always seeing the glass as half full. It is a way of life. Your mindset is your collection of thoughts and beliefs that shape your thought habits. And your thought habits affect how you think, what you feel, and what you do. Your mindset impacts how you make sense of the world. I will continue to believe that there is power in positivity and surround myself with those that practice it.
Cancer will not take my personality. I have always been optimistic, energetic, and bubbly. There was this one time, when a woman I worked with did not like how “perky” I was (especially since I don’t drink caffeine). She actually took me aside, after working with her for a few weeks, and told me to cut the act. She said I was fake and there was no way anyone could be that happy all the time. Well, after our heart to heart, she realized, I was the one. Her and I were great friends for many years. I would like to think I rubbed off on her a little and she learned to love life too.
The thing about this life is that it is temporary. Just like the side effects of the chemo. My ultimate resting place is not on this earth. Life has thrown us all curve balls, it might not be cancer, but maybe divorce, or infertility. We do not need to dwell on the why is this happening to me mindset, but instead how can I learn from this mindset. It is easier said than done, I know, but practice makes perfect – and as I like to say fake it til you make it!
Like the phoenix, I will rise from the ashes - and the cancer glow up will be incredible.