I had my initial consultation with the Radiation Oncologist back in March, which you can read about here. After surgery was completed and the Surgical Oncologist released me from care, it was time to start the next phase, radiation. I had been working with a Physical Therapist for several weeks to ensure I was ready for this phase. Also, I performed lots of TLC on my incisions. Daily massage to reduce the scar tissue and keeping the area moisturized were essential. Radiation has the tendency to slow down healing of open wounds, so the doctors make sure they are good before starting.
Prior to starting Radiation, there is a lot of prep involved. Not just on my end with PT and caring for the incisions, but also all the physics behind the treatment. I went into a radiation simulator, where I had to practice holding my breath for x-rays. My body was molded into this bag to ensure accurate placement each session and stickers were placed all over my upper body. With my cancer being on the left side, my heart, as well as my lung is in jeopardy of receiving radiation. The deep breathing method was developed after a study that followed women for 20 years. The study showed there was significant damage and life altering issues that affected these women. In an effort to reduce the internal damage, this deep breathing technique was born. When you take a deep breath in and hold it, the lungs expand, and the heart moves down and out of the way. This allows a smaller amount of radiation to hit those precious areas.
For me, my anatomy is still in a way (even with the deep breathing) were I will have some damage to my left lung and the top of my heart. We are hoping it will be minimal and as my doctor put it, the top of the heart is useless anyway…..
After the simulator, the next step is a run through. This is what I would call a dress rehearsal. During this time, minor adjustments are made to the positioning of my stickers. The run through took a long time. This is such a dangerous treatment, where each millimeter really counts. I am sure you have heard of the saying measure twice, cut once. Well, in the radiation world they measure each day. After nearly an hour with my arms above my head, I was in a lot of pain. My shoulders were aching, and I was extremely tired of all the deep breathing. Before letting me off the table, they drew lines all over my chest and took many photos.
I carefully planned a moisturizing schedule, so that I can keep my skin from burning too badly. The doctor prescribed two different ointments. Once you apply 3x daily and the other 2x daily. However, in all things I am overzealous a bit and want to do more than that just as a precaution. I set alarms in my phone to ensure I am reminded on time for my next application.
It was finally time for my first treatment. I was very nervous. I knew it would not hurt, but it was more of the thought of something new and the idea of what was being done. I changed into my gown and hopped onto the table. I assume the position, with my arms holding a bar above my head and get nestled into place. The techs then leave the room. Between the mask and the deep breathing method, I became more anxious. I have never been good at holding my breath, like for swimming and such. And now, it is like my life depended on it. Luckily, if I cannot hold my breath for the whole time needed, the beam shuts off. There is a small window of measurement where the machine must be, and when it is off, the beam also shuts off.
It was time and the tech told me to hold my breath. I felt a slight tingle, where I believe the first ray hit, but they tell me it was all in my head. She comes over the speaker and says take a deep breath in and hold. I take a deep breath and hold. She says let a little out. So, I let a little out. Then she says a little more. I let a little more out. She now says good hold it. I hang on for what seems an eternity, but like 5 seconds in reality, and I let it all out.
This was so much harder than in the simulator and dry run. Why was I having more issues now? I felt like my mask was suffocating me and I was a million degrees, but shaking and cold from being topless.
The tech comes back over the speaker and says, take another deep breath in and hold. So, I give it another shot. This time I try not to make it too deep, since last time it was too much. The tech comes over the speaker again and says, a little deeper. I am thinking to myself, really? Ok, I take in a little bit more air and hold. Then she says…let a little air out. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I let a little air out. She says good, and hold. By this time, my heart is pounding, my face is burning, and I am seeing red. I feel like I might pass out. I blow all the air out and start panting. She tells me to breath normal, yet I cannot seem to remember how to do that. The mask is sucking in with each breath, I can not move at all either. I am not able to turn my head either. Just lay there gasping for air.
Once I caught my breath, I still had more radiation left. I gave it my best shot and finally finished. I was not sure how I was going to complete 29 more sessions just like that. I was overwelled with anxiety. I felt sick. I was shaky, lightheaded, and just miserable. I came home and went to bed early.
Tuesday was a new day. I was not going to let what happened the day before ruin my whole day. But I as the workday ended, I knew what was coming. I changed into my gown and hopped up on the table. The tech said she was going to try letting me use a breathing tool to make it a little easier for me to see where my breath needed to be. She attached a device to the table and showed me the screen. It looked like an old Nintendo game. There is a floating bar that represents my breathing and a higher fixed bar that represents where I need to hold my breath. I take a deep breath to practice and it is a cinch. Within minutes the whole treatment was over, and it was so much easier than the day before. I see the doctor every Tuesday after treatment during my 6 weeks. Since it was only day 2, there was not much to say other than treatment is going well.
Wednesday through Friday were just as simple. In and out. One full week down and only 5 more to go.
