Thursday, March 12, 2020
Today was a big day with back to back appointments. I met with my Medication Oncologist, Dr. Tan, first. The time leading up to this appointment, I started getting very uneasy about the doctor. I need to have 100% faith that she will prescribe the right combination of medications, in the right dosing, for the right amount of time. Chemotherapy is incredibly intimidating to me. They will be pumping me full of chemicals to kill the tumor in my breast, but also any other cancer cells that are floating in my body, from head to toe. They have to give me enough to be effective, but not too much to destroy the rest of my body. That is a lot to think about.
So there I was topless, on the table waiting for what seemed an eternity. This appointment is what I’ve been waiting for to really start my active treatment phase. I had this gut feeling for days that I wouldn’t like Dr. Tan. I don’t know exactly why I felt that way, but I let Jack know my concerns. You see, Jack is so good at reading first impressions. He has really good instincts.
Once the doctor came in, she spent time going over her protocol for this type of cancer. She let me know that there was a clinical trial for immunotherapy, which I was interested in, however it didn't start until April. I do not want to put off chemo any longer than necessary because of the potential for it to spread quickly. Dr. Tan agreed and we continued to discuss the next steps. Bloodwork, Chemo education, port installation, then C-day.
Dr. Tan did her physical evaluation and let me know that her measurements of the mass are the same as Dr. White's appointment on 3/4/2020. That was reassuring since it hasn't grown much, if at all.
The doctor decided on 24 weeks of chemotherapy. The first 12 weeks will be AC, in 3 week intervals, then Taxol for 12 weekly treatments. Once that regime is completed successfully, I would go on prevention medicine for another 12-18 months. After that a clinical trial for another preventative immunotherapy drug that I will participate in for 12-15 months. As you can see, this is going to take a long time to fight. The highest rate of reoccurrence happens in the first 5 years. That 5 years doesn't start until after active treatment ends. Lots of monitoring, testing, and anxiety is in my 5 year plan.
After she completed her consultation, a delightful young lady walked in the room. To my surprise it was a Nurse Navigator named Megan. Since I will be receiving my chemo in Pineville, she is assigned to me at that facility. She was so incredibly nice. I let her know I was concerned about something regarding my chemo schedule. If you know me at all, you know I do not like surprises. I really like to educate myself and be well informed. So, of course, this situation is no different. I have tried to only read credible sources and connect with other women who have or are in treatment. All of my research thus far showed that others with similar diagnosis were on a two week schedule for the first chemo drug combination of Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide, also known as AC, but better known as Red Devil. It was a surprise when the doctor recommended 4 rounds of AC over 12 weeks, in 3 week intervals. Megan helped me feel at ease, letting me know that research doesn't suggest that 2 week or 3 week intervals are any more effective than the other. And, actually the 3 week intervals allows more time for the chemo to do its job and a better quality of life, in between the rounds. I definitely look forward to meeting Megan again.
I had to rush downstairs to meet with Radiation. Literally, with a minute to spare, I checked into my appointment. We didn't wait long when we were greeted by a nurse. She took her job seriously, in terms of HIPPA, because she made Jack stand far away when I jumped on the scale. Then she eyed him looking and stood in the way to block his site. Wow, she was protective. But it made me LOL!
After the nurse left, first up was the PA. She came in to discuss radiation education. She was very informative and helped me really understand the benefits (and risks) of these treatments. Radiation helps prevent reoccurrence in the location where the tumor is only. There are so many factors that must be calculated prior to each radiation therapy so that just enough radiation is giving to the area of concern, but not too much to the rest of the chest. My cancer is on the left breast, which means we also have to factor in the heart, since it’s on the same side. We don’t want any radiation to the heart, so there are different techniques to help avoid that. Yet again, here we go with all the faith. I have to have 100% faith that these highly skilled and trained medical professionals know their stuff. Even the slightest measurement off and that would be detrimental to my health.
After she was done with her spiel, it was time to meet the Radiation Oncologist, Dr. McCall. Can you guess what happened next?
So, there I was on the table topless, again, waiting on a doctor. Dr. McCall was a very soft spoken man that seemed very experienced. He wanted a baseline physical examination so that he could notate the chart what the mass felt like to him and basically where I was starting my treatment. When the time comes for the radiation step, it helps them pinpoint the location that needs the most amount of radiation. His assessment was that 4-6 weeks of daily radiation was going to be needed. But this will not take place until after chemo, after surgery and the healing - roughly Thanksgiving time.
After the long afternoon of appointments, while working and the overload of information on my treatments, I broke down on the way home. The length of the treatment isn't a shock because of the research I had done but hearing it and living it just made it a reality. The mere thought of me not being able to mama or wife, like I so love to do, had me in shambles. I cannot bare to think of all the memories cancer will rob me of.
I had plans.....that is what I kept saying to Jack. This is the last summer before Kirklyn starts kindergarten and the last summer before Kaiah goes to college. I had big plans. I did not expect to be spending the summer bald, more less curled up in the fetal position because of the overwhelming nausea, bone pain and fatigue. This is a lot to digest mentally. Like Jack always does, he gave me the pep talk I needed and told me how much they all needed me to fight. So, my new summer plan is to do just that. I can mark of special vacation with my oldest daughter in celebrating her journey into adulthood and I can mark off pool days with my littles that love to swim. Instead, I will replace my fun summer agenda with fighting for my life.
So, as you return to your normal day to day activities and plan your fun summer outings, remember to make each moment count. Do not take any of it for granted. Love on each other and give the grace you could only hope for and in return be thankful and Praise Him for the Mercies shown to you.